A Cock and Hen Debate

There are some things that men and women will only talk about when in same-sex company (or company they consider as good as same-sex). This wild and mysterious phenomenon is a fantastic way of ascertaining generally male and female characteristics. For example; when you have a number of men in a room who have receded into a happy bravado, the topic reverts to one about the male sex organ. In short, men love to talk about themselves and show off. Women when put in a room together and allowed to feel comfortable enough to share (which can take as little as half an hour between strangers), enjoy sharing about their periods. Women like to exchange thoughts and project sympathy and to share weakness.

It is a strange cock and hen story, to be frank. Men love to be cock of the walk and to share dick-stories or to invent dick-stories as in many cases. One particularly testosterone-driven gentleman may profit socially from telling a tale about how he ejaculated accidentally out the window and it landed on a neighbours drying laundry twenty feet away. Or he may even veer the subject onto sex and how he caused a virginal young woman to faint due to the enormous length and girth. Such oneupmanship is not only entertaining to other males but almost enviable by females as if a woman starts talking about how the buoyancy of her breasts made a sweet and bookish young male drop to his knees, she would be seen by other females as a slut who tells lies.

Women are a different breed. If a woman (alpha female of course) starts to go on about how famous her tits are then it is garuanteed that half of the company present will immediately be forced to hate her guts. Instead women choose to share weaknesses and empathise and project their sympathy by talking about periods! Not an attractive subject, the word tampon will never be written in a love letter by anybody except Prince Charles and men who frequent chatrooms with perversions. Sure, Womens Lib and sex ed teachers will tell you it is the sign of womanhood and having a healthy reproductive system and so females should be proud of their periods but in truth it is a shitstorm.

You are bleeding uncontrollably and non-stop for five days. You have to wear either a nappy or a wad of cotton fibre up your bits. You have to endure restless, sweaty nights. You have to suffer exhausting mood-swings. You have to endure sugar cravings. You have to endure water retention. You have to suffer crippling abdominal cramps!

We share this information and we suffer as a sex. Its not pretty and yet when women cannot drop their guard when around some five foot nine, blonde, leggy, DD tart, they are more than happy (even if in the company of same DD tart) to share their weaknesses and struggles. Like the male story about the cock, the female period story is often an overly dramatic one. “Oh the pain! Oh the pain! I was curled up in the fetal position in the chocolate aisle of Tesco shrieking like a Banshee!”

So I wonder if this means women are more secure than men to talk about weaknesses, I mean, it takes a pretty special man to talk about erectile disfunction or premature ejaculation to a gym changingroom full of blokes who are more likely to be measuring their own penis lengths against the tiles on the wall and comparing how many tiles they span. Women are happy to confer (and even compete for drama-driven sympathy!) about that loathsome week in which the faded, black Sloggi underpants are dug out of the bottom of the drawer and the Tampax is fished out and nestled on the cabinet by the toilet. The black work trousers replace the grey pencil skirts and the paracetamol is on the kitchen worksurface as a preliminary warning for those liable to upset the woman suffering “the Blob”. Men don’t even want to hear about it from their own wives/girlfriends!

It is very odd and in many was unfathomable the instant camaradery between women compared with the contest visible between men. It is apparent in nature as well as in the shallow, human social framework. It is interesting, I think, that the things we choose to share in same-sex company varies to wildley and reveals so much about ourselves. Men to prove strength and gain man-points, women to share and care. A wise man called John Gray once said, “Men are from MArs, Women are from Venus.” I thinl that is the most lucid understanding we can gather together. We are aliens to eachother.

Now I am going to eat a box of chocolates and howl at the moon.

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