Anticipation

Much like the morphing of the pallet, forcing down a gulp of bitter wine at fifteen compared to luxuriating in the velvet slosh it evolves into in adulthood, the way anticipation manifests itself can be paralleled in some ways.

When I was a little girl (and I was never that little, as my doctor told my mother as a toddler “There’s no shortage of cakes in your kitchen then?””) I used to quite enjoy but similarly brace myself for the sour tang of a pickled onion Monster Munch. Expectation, happiness and saliva all being the known symptoms of pre-Monster Munch gluttony can be mirrored in my anticipation of the imminent dvd release of Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. How pathetic but then when one rings the 19th of May in one’s diary there are precious few adjectives suitable.

Excitement, it seems, for me never drifts to far away from something I can stuff in my face and this expectation and anticipation appears to be a singular exception! I have no intenion of stuffing Johnny Depp into my face as I would much rather watch him smoulder on-screen… But sadly this miniscule epiphany (if any epiphany can be described as miniscule) has got me looking inwards at myself and what makes me happy, what I look forward to. There is a lot that I look forward to but then perhaps to do not inspire the same excitement in those I wish to share it with. This has been leading me down a difficult path, in that I love to organise and to plan the party and play host but I feel often let down by the folks who never RSVP back.

This is all very cryptic and I know that I am very lucky with my support network however like so many governments, it is perhaps time for a drastic reshuffle and a considered look at who I depend on and yet who is just not cut out for the job.

This process, unlike the operations undergone in parliament which seem to take no more than a matter of hours, will take me more time, more soul-searching. And so for now, I will have to settle with Monster Munch rather than Johnny Depp who will take a few more weeks.

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